August Writing ~ Jellyfish Jolts #AugustWriting

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Once again, Ed revised the long insurance policy

Specifically prepared for overly cautious Miss Molly

She finally approved it and was ready to sign

Ending these revisions topping out at Seventy-Nine

See, Molly feared getting hurt in all different ways

And wanted to be sure all her medical bills would get paid

She worried about meteors falling down from above

Thought of her fingers being swollen from ill-fitting gloves

Afraid of shag carpeting entangling her toes

She was also quite nervous of bees flying right up her nose

Paragraph sixty dealt with her choking on skinless grapes

Another section covered her being hugged by a wild ape

Specifically outlined was a part about Jellyfish jolts

Subsection eighty dealt with just plain ‘ole lightning bolts

Ed watched her sign thinking he was finally done with Miss Molly

Then she got a paper cut which wasn’t part of that long insurance policy

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Written for the August Writing Prompt- Jellyfish jolts

SoCS / JulyWriting ~ How to have your house painted for you, cheaply

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1. Look at the exterior of your house. Understand how much work actually needs to be done. Then realize how much you don’t want to be the one to do it.

2. Drive to the paint store for supplies.

3. Gather up all the paint, brushes, tarps and any other tools needed to complete the job. Have the store charge it to your corporate account- “Amalgamated Painters”. Doesn’t matter if this company doesn’t really exist. There is always an Amalgamated “something” out there, somewhere to bill all kind of stuff to.

4. Find a child, preferably one smart enough to fake tears and one who accepts candy or loose change for bribes.

5. Go to a place where mostly, young and strong men gather. Coffee houses work best, but bagel shops and diners are also quite good. Make sure that there is no alcohol involved or the project will never get completed.

6. Have previously mentioned child, enter this establishment- crying their eyes out. At this point you can improvise your own verbage. I prefer “Can someone please help me? My Daddy lost his job at the mill (Hopefully, no listeners will catch on that there is no actual mill anywhere near there. But, it sounds really sad) Our house needs work, its falling apart. I just wanted it painted, something to make my Daddy happy”.

7. At this point, you should have some concerned men line up willing to help. Make sure you had given the child your address beforehand and not the address of someone else. This mistake turned ugly to a buddy of mine who gave out the address of his neighbor, who has aluminum siding on their house.

8. Have all the supplies on your front lawn waiting for whoever shows up.

9. To guarantee that the job gets done efficiently and quickly, provide as much caffeine-based refreshments beforehand to the painters. Their are a wide variety of things to choose from. I had Espresso cupcakes and Megabull energy drinks prepared for my crew. My entire house was painted by three guys in under ninety minutes.

9. Once the house is complete, limp back out of your house to thank whoever showed up to do the job. Don’t forgot to bandage your foot or whatever other appendage you want to say is broken.

10. Sit in your favorite chair afterwards and binge a show, enjoying your freshly painted house.

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The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS July 13/19 

July Writing Prompts – Espresso cupcakes – Day 13/31

 

Dangerous Devices – #poetry #JulyWriting

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Mechanical things can’t be used by just anyone

All can be harmful handled incorrectly by everyone

Only a dentist knows how to fix holes in your teeth

Anyone less qualified will drill in your mouth too deep

All kitchen appliances can maim or kill

If placed in the hands that lack culinary skills

Curling irons and shavers could damage more than hair

If the hairstylist who works them just doesn’t care

Anything plugged in can be a dangerous device

Make sure they are used by those who are technically wise

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July Writing Prompts – Dangerous devices – Day 6/31

Twittering Tales – Lo-cal Spirit #twitter-tales

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Lou entered his kitchen planning to blow  his diet again with his routine nightly snack.  Vera and the kids were in bed.  The refrigerator slowly opened and a voice spoke.
“LOU, YOU’RE ON A DIET”. Lou rushed out not noticing the string tied to the refrigerator door or his daughter crouched in the dark.

(300 characters)

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Written for this week’s Twittering Tales prompt from Kat Myrman. Photo credit: NRD at Unsplash.

Twittering Tales – Ashes #Twitteringtales

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Security at the “Miniland” attraction were warned about today’s threat. They were to be on lookout for Robert Sym to carry out his previously denied request. Unfortunately, a rookie guard slacked off and Mr. Sym ran in dumping the ashes of his late Dad all over the park’s scale model of Seattle.

(300 characters)

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Written for Kat’s Twittering Tales Challenge prompt

#100ww – Proof

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Paranormal investigator Scott Chase was excited about his latest findings. He finally had documented proof of a ghost. Nighttime security guard Frank Kaplan had spotted the spirit during his nightly rounds at ‘Manny’s’ department store. Scott was called in and apparently uncovered a real poltergeist. The pictures he took would soon shock the world.

“Look, get rid of it” Garrick barked. Of course, Jordan had to do what his boss at ‘Mason’s Mannequins’ wanted. “Where can I dump a mannequin mistakenly made out of translucent plastic?” Jordan thought.
Then he remembered a friend at ‘Mannys’ who owed him a favor.

(100 words)
Written for this week’s 100 Word Wednesday prompt from Bikurgurl.

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SoCS/ Friday fictioneers~Buyer’s remorse #SoCS #Fridayfictioneers

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“D’oh!” Jenkins said smacking his hand against his head in shock. He had always wanted to own a big machine.  One that was at forefront of technology in the manufacturing world. Sales representatives had pitched him this product as the future of wardrobe manufacturing. Jenkins gleefully purchased it, sight unseen. After the device was installed,  Jenkins went to go see it in action.  His excitement quickly turned to regret upon seeing the results of his purchase. The Ultravox3000 was indeed the most advanced device of its type, being able to quickly produce a single shoelace of impeccable quality.

(95 words)

For Friday Fictioneers prompt and SoCS Saturday.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS March 30/19

29 March 2019

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The Flower Trap~#friday-fictioneers, #kids,#themagicshop

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The spilled water from the knocked-over vase filled with fresh-cut roses edged its way across the kitchen table. Once again, the two teen sons of Danielle Lewis ignored previous warnings and ran through the house goofing around. An act that had previously been committed numerous times. The boys would then secretly clean up the mess, confident that they were getting away with shenanigans.

Unbeknownst to them, Danielle knew all along what was happening and was planning a trap.

The next day, Danielle placed a vase of glass roses on the table’s center and mischievously thought,

“Let them cover this up”.

(100 words)

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Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochell Wisoff-Fields.

Wrong Promo~#SoCS 2/16 #poetry, #themagicshop

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Promoter Frank Knoles realized too late what he hadn’t done right

As to why a new act flopped on opening night

Frank had been in showbiz for close to thirty-five years

“Knoles has a nose for talent”, his reputation from peers

Gonzaldo the great and Miss Edna’s trained mice were a few of his clients

Minor successes in their own ways, just not box office giants

This new performer he premiered was a large strongman from Brussels

Piotr Yawnvergerschueder and his magnificent muscles

It’s not that his act was lousy or without flair

It’s just that the theatre was empty with nobody there

Frank realized his mistake in one starling notion

He had shortened Piotr’s name for easier promotion

It’s always a hard sell to get people in seeing a new artist perform

Especially a talent that’s been billed poorly as “THE BIG YAWN”

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This post is part of SoCS

Pingback: https://lindaghill.com/2019/02/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-16-19/

The Miracle of Gift Cards~#Christmas #poetry #humor #themagicshop

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Jane despised the idea of giving gift cards as presents

Their were various reasons for her rectangular resentment

For Jane, the fun was in looking for all the right gifts to be bought

Instead of just picking a gift card which required no thought

The wrapping of odd boxes was something else she enjoyed

What a delight to watch kids open up all different toys

Oh, how she hated those little, boring gift cards!

They just lacked Christmas magic right from the start

The long process of gift giving was time that Jane enjoyed

But, this year she forgot to buy things for Aunt Rose and Cousin Floyd

When she realized this dilemma it was late Christmas eve

What generic-type gifts could she buy in the quickest of speed?

She got out her car keys and sped out to the mall

To find some things for distant family that she hardly knew at all

Driving back with new presents, Jane had an epiphany in her car

She finally accepted  the miracle of  last-minute gift cards

The Sick Writer~#poetry #sick #themagicshop

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Three days sick without writing a word! Hope this makes up for some lost time ..

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A writer’s dilemma that alway proves frightening

Are those annoying, brief obstacles that will stop them from writing

It often can be from the lack of ideas in their heads

Those damn vacated spaces that are creatively dead

Sometimes its life’s burdens that eat up all of their time

Leaving no room to make poetry with the occasional rhyme

Perhaps its a sadness that’s muting their inner muse

Sapping out energy in trying to express such wonderous views

For me, a different reason forced me to take these past few days off

A series of ailments that included a cough

Sleepless at night with a hack born in Hell

Trying to Blog with bronchitis was just not going well

With meds in my body, I took a dare that I thought would be fulfilling

I set out to make a rhyme with the word amoxicillin

With this short piece, I’ve come back from the writing dead

And I accomplished all this from the from the comforts of my bed

Nervy Knights~#NovemberWriting #themagicshop

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A new threat had arrived in the kingdom of Greenslawn

They snuck into town right before dawn

Beings quite vile like the Huns of Wolf’s Ridge

As sneaky as the trolls from across Wicken’s Bridge

The villagers fled quickly afraid for their lives

Not realizing this attack was a far different type

These marauders were not killing or looting for food

Instead it involved acts of just being socially rude

They voiced out their opinions when no one had asked

Often being quite critical followed up by a smug laugh

Crashing town parties with obtrusive bedlam

Arriving empty-handed and spoiling all the fun

The villagers wished to expel these callous ingrates

Their prayers would be answered by a sight at the front gate

A new army appeared to do battle with those nervy knights

The Minions with manners had arrived ready to politely fight

 

November Writing Prompt- Nervy Knights – Day 25/30