Carrots~ #friday-fictioneers,#shortfiction #themagicshop

The branches of an early Autumn frost crack under the feet of William Ward as he continues his walk home.  He exhales a dry breath as his age slows down his pace.  Today was a good day for him, with a quest full of treasures.  The canvas bag he carried was filled with a wool cap,  some slightly irregular socks,  a few mildewed paperback books and a dented can of carrots.  William loved carrots.  When he was a little boy,  he would be the only one out a family of four kids that would eat every single one off of his plate. His Mom would then embarrass him with a big hug and kiss  right at kitchen table.  Of course back then, those carrots were cooked by Mom in this special glaze that made them extra crunchy and irresistible.  Those days were long gone now, along with his Mom and his three sisters. The days now were very different for William.  The safety and warmth of his childhood home were eventually replaced by different levels of life’s standards.  His apartment right out college was small but decent, as was the cape cod he had bought with his wife, Barbara.  There the two them lived for many years, raising three boys to manhood and marriage.  William often thinks of those memories, they instinctively seep into his present state of mind on the nights when the open cold air numbs his body.  Night would soon be descending, as the afternoon sun was starting to set.  The chill of the night would be upon the woods.  William would rely upon the six blankets and giant stuffed teddy bear to keep him warm.  He approaches the rusted husk of the Plymouth station wagon and throws his bag inside. He thinks of Barbara and the over-sized sunglasses she used to wear in this car back when they would drive the kids down to the Jersey shore for summer vacations.  She was always a fashionista, even wanted makeup on her face as she slipped away in her hospital bed.  This had been a damn good car. William remembers his Dad repeatedly telling him growing up,

“Son,  just always change the oil on ANY car. She’ll last a lifetime”.

And as usual like most Dads are with their uncannily accurate advice,  Dad was right. This car ran for many years and thousands of miles.

William coughs into the open air, fighting off a potential cold.  He gets into his car once again,  the one he now calls home and closes his eyes.  He thinks of how good of a day it was to have found a dented can of carrots as he slowly falls asleep.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.  Photo credit: Ted Strutz.

img_20180528_0657101071288597.jpg

5 thoughts on “Carrots~ #friday-fictioneers,#shortfiction #themagicshop

    • Hello again, John,

      What I’m about to do is something I would usually consider rude and you may feel free to delete it. But…here goes. As I said the story can be cut. What we’re doing in Friday Fictioneers isn’t trying to write a novel. You don’t have enough words to write a full backstory. So here goes. What we need to know in the 100 words is about William…the reader can fill in the blanks of how he got there…what his home life was. The important things here are his father’s words and the fact that he’s homeless and living in a car. Another part of the challenge is learning word conservation such as cutting out the repetition. So…here;s what I did with your story:

      Branches, brittle with Autumn frost, crack under William Ward’s feet. He exhales a dry breath as age slows his pace. His canvas bag is filled treasures—a wool cap, slightly irregular socks, mildewed paperback books and a dented can of carrots.
      “Son, always change the oil on ANY car. She’ll last a lifetime”.
      Dad was right. This car ran for many years and thousands of miles.
      William coughs, fighting off a potential cold. He gets into his car, the one he now calls home. He thinks of how good it was to have found the carrots as he falls asleep.
      ****
      Things to think about..he falls asleep…we figure he’s going to close his eyes. The reader only needs to be told once that the can of carrots was dented. What you do with this info is your choice.I apologize if this is unwanted advice.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s